Healing News April / May 1997 

Editorial Comments:

April is the month set aside by our nation to recognize sexual
assault in it’s many forms.  This edition is dedicated to the 
survivors of this worldwide epidemic.  I use epidemic because it
seems sexual abuse touches many more lives each year than any 
illness or disease. It is a crime that leaves its victims shame 
filled, until  we learn to find the right path to survive whichever
that may be.  

Thank you for bearing with me and for the expressions of
Sympathy many of you have sent regarding the death of my 
grandmother in April.

Gayle Crabtree



*****TIPS*******TIPS*********TIPS***********TIPS

• Take time to be kind to yourself. It takes time to overcome a tragedy. Do not feel as though you must be healed NOW! Give yourself time.
• Keep a journal. This is a wonderful way, not only to help process your thoughts but when you look back. You can see patterns that need to be changed. It can also show you how much healing you have done.
• If you have a flashback. Hold on to something. Maybe a table or even a friend. Take a deep breath, exhale slowly. Focus on what is going on around you that you can see and touch. Keep doing this until you feel better.
• Flashbacks are caused by triggers. Identifying those triggers and eliminating the ones you can will help keep your flashback from recurring as often.
• Nightmare duty can be assigned to another person. If you have a nightmare, you know the ones that leave you unsure where you are or who you are with, you can assign someone else in the household to turn on all the lights maybe some calming music, and do whatever else you need done to make you feel safe.
• You can try re-directing your dreams. When you lie down to go to sleep tell yourself that if you experience a nightmare you are going to turn it around. This sounds strange but several people have told me it works for them.
• If you feel like you are more secure with a stuffed animal go ahead! Is it really going to matter to anyone else if you have a teddy bear on your bed? It is you who needs to heal. If it helps you feel better to do this then do it.If you are afraid to go into a store and buy one for yourself then remind yourself it is part of taking care of that scared part inside of you. Because that is exactly what you are doing.
• Support. Support. Support. Find some. If you do not have anyone to sort your feelings out with or if you want to do it without face to face contact there is an online email support group. We are not professionals. We have simply been there too. Email me if you need the information on this group.
• You may experience anger and deep frustration. THIS IS NORMAL. To channel frustrations,  I have known of people taking voice lessons, learning  to play a musical instrument, beginning karate or any number of things. What matters is that it gives you time to heal and use some of your anger.
• Take 5. Take 5 minutes everyday and just be nice to yourself. You may be thinking how can I do that??? It isn't so difficult. Next time you are in stalled traffic pop in a soothing tape (one that you use especially for times like these.) Set the alarm so you get up 5 minutes early and watch the sun rise. Right before going to bed take 5 minutes and make a determined effort to set them aside for "you" time. It's not as hard as you might think.
• Take soothing warm baths scented with your favorite. This need not be expensive but can really take the pressures away. While you are doing this listen to some soft relaxing music.
• Do you like hot tea? Or flavored hot chocolate or coffee? Sit down and fix yourself a cup. Sip it slowly. Take your time. Enjoy.
• When you feel anxiety climbing to the uppermost limit, stop what you are doing. Look around you. If you do not feel safe go to a safe place immediately. When you are safe try to concentrate on breathing out very slowly. Do this several times until you feel better.
• Resist the urge to rush. Just concentrate on breathing out slowly and relaxing.
• When you get angry don't be afraid of it. Rip an old newspaper to shreds. Stomp all over a pillow. Run in place. Throw safe objects that aren't breakable into other safe spaces, stomp your feet, yell, scream into your pillow. Do whatever it takes to get the anger out. Don't hold it in.

Randy McCall rmccall@mnsi.net Fax: 519-945-3674 (Office hours only) Forum Administrator: Victim-Assistance victim-assistance-request@pdomain.uwindsor.ca Webmaster: Victim-Assistance Online http://www.mnsi.net/~rmccall/homepage.html This is the featured homepage for the month. It is brand spanking new, so to speak. You are each invited to check it out.

• "There are as many ways to live and grow as there are people. Our own ways are the only ways that should matter to us." Evelyn Mandel
• “If you treat an individual ...as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be” Goethe
• “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great” Mark Twain

I Never Called it Rape
The MS. Report on Recognizing, 
Fighting and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape.
Robin Warshaw $11.00 
Harper Perennial/ Division of HarperCollins Publishers

Transforming a Rape Culture. 
Emilie Buchwald, Pamela R. Fletcher, and Martha Roth
$18.95
Milkweed Editions

Femininity by Susan Brownmiller 
$11.00 
Fawcett Columbine*New York

Emily Shadowdove
All Rights Reserved
 

Daily Affirmations for Self-Esteem and Wellness

Today I will treat myself with love and understanding.
Today I will love and trust my core self and instincts.
Today I will allow the child in me to smile, laugh, love and play.
Today I will remember my rights as a human being and I will speak up
warmly and assertively to protect them.
Today I will love and respect my body and my mind
Today I will do something that will take me one step closer to my goals.
Today I will be fully conscious, spontaneous, and connected in ally my
interactions with others.
Today I will stand by the child in me, and feel no fear in relations to
difficult people or any feedback that may be offered to me by those in authority.
Today I will allow all parts of nature to please me, and I will know
that I am a part of nature.
Today I will remember that I generate my own happiness.
Today I will remember that I am responsible for the health of my relationship
with myself, and that this health and wellness in me will radiate to all my other
relationships.