Hope For Healing. Org
    

Date: Feb 27 1999 20:07:51 EST 

 From:   Healing News  
       Subject:   Healing News Feb. 1999 
          
            

           Romance
           Survey
           Poems
           Information
           Book Suggestion
           Disclaimer
            

           Romance:

           February is the month of Love, starry eyes, nervous twitches and hearts
           aflutter. Many people have written to ask how you keep a relationship
           alive after a rape. No one has all the answers and the only thing you can
           be sure of is it's not easy. Here's a few suggestions that may help. If
           anyone wants to send input they can be included in the next newsletter:

           Hold your partner's hand for no reason at all.

           Write a note on your partner's napkin and stick it in the lunch bag.

           Leave a message on your partner's pillow.

           Try a game of "tag".

           Go for a walk.

           Grab a blanket, lay down on the grass, and watch the stars or clouds.

           Take time to just be together and enjoy each other.

          


           Survey:

           Question 1 Totals: Are you a female or male?
                             Female was selected 55 times 
                             Male was selected 0 times 
                             Don't want to answer was selected 0 times
            
           Question 2 Totals: Are you a survivor?
                             Yes was selected 53 times 
                             No. was selected 1 times 

           Question 3 Totals: Would you say your worst problem area is:
                             Interacting with familiars was selected 11 times 
                             Interacting with family members was selected 8 times 
                             Meeting strangers was selected 15 times 
                             Getting to know myself. was selected 20 times 
                             Choose not to answer. was selected 1 times 

           Question 4 Totals: Would you say this is (see list below) than before the
           attack.
                             Better was selected 1 times 
                             Worse was selected 49 times 
                             About the same was selected 2 times 
                             unsure was selected 2 times 
                             Choose not to answer. was selected 1 times 
           

           Poems

           A cool blue thickness crowded the space, suffocated
           the purity of the
           room.
           And a deep red flower remained floating in a bath of
           holy water
           Worshipping whatever god she wished to worship.
           And he appeared above her, everything she was ever
           afraid of.
           Her father, her brother, her priest, her god.
           False reassurance drifted towards her from this
           omnipotent figure,
           things she could never truly believe in.
           The pain was more than she had ever experienced,
           reaching every end of
           her body, her mind, her soul.
           She felt the bruises beginning to throb,
           In the shape of so many hands on her legs, her
           stomach, her arms, her
           chest.
           And he held her down in a pool of blood, her own blood,
           While calling it love and other disgusting lies.
           She felt herself giving up, becoming limp, her will to
           survive frozen by
           fear.
           And the room faded into a distant memory.
           When she awoke from her dream this demon was gone but
           her body lay still

           Amidst the tainted sheets and memories that would
           never be clean again.  

           by Katie O'Connor

           Untitled
           A very long time ago,
           when I was just four.
           My father came in my bedroom,
           and he closed the door.

           He told me of a new game he wanted to play,
           I can still remember the pain today.
           I screamed out in total fear,
           but apparently mom could not hear.

           For twenty years I've tried,
           to hide the secret deep inside.
           About five months ago, I told a friend,
           and now my life is beginning to mend.

           Some days are good and some are bad,
           and when I think of my father I get very mad.
           I began each day with a little blue pill,
           to keep my life going straight up-hill.

           For many years I've felt so ashamed,
           but now I know I'm not to blame.
           So many people have helped me along the way,
           to deal with the new game my father wanted to play.

           To the friend I told five months ago,
           my feelings for her she'll never know.
           She has stood behind me all the way,
           and I thank God for her each and every day!


           Therapy

           You might have been young, or you might have been old;
           but who you would have become will always go untold.
           Because of this experience you've grown up fast;
           you go through each day living in the past.

           You can still find his scent in the air;
           you can still remember the color of his hair.
           In the night you hear sounds he made;
           memories like these will never fade.

           Some memories may be good and some may be bad;
           you're feelings will differ between happy and sad.
           You'll wake up one morning and want to end it all;
           but keep in mind that only time will tear down the
           wall.

           Talk about your feelings, don't hold them inside;
           because these feelings get stronger, the longer they
           hide.
           It's hard at first to explain how you feel;
           but in the end, I promise, you will begin to heal.

           Therapy, at first, is scary as hell;
           but it get's easier the more you tell.
           The key, I think, is not to rush;
           because you can't be honest with someone you don't
           trust.

           The Darkness

           What the darkness holds is nothing you see;
           because in the darkness is only me.
           I'm in a place where my life comes apart;
           it's here where I can live, while sitting in the dark.

           I can make my life go as I please;
           no one hurts when I want to be me.
           I close my eyes and go back in time;
           but in my mind things are different I find.

           The little girl can cry, run, and play;
           she has not to worry about having a bad day.
           She sits upon her daddy's knee;
           looks in his eyes, and is as happy as can be.

           There is no reason for her to run and hide;
           because both parents are on her side.
           She will never again feel a bad touch;
           only because her daddy loves her so much.

           There is no reason for her to live in fear;
           because her loving family is always near.
           With the opening of my eyes;
           the darkness was once again a dream I realise

           by Mel at Melo0110@aol.com 
           www.geocities.com/Wellesley/2236
           

           Book Suggestion

           If you haven't read it yet, beg or borrow "Chicken Soup for the Survivng
           Soul." Written mostly for Cancer survivors the book is inspiring and
           humorous. Even though it's not a book dealing with trauma don't be
           surprised if you get a lift from reading it.

           It's great for taking along or for reading when you don't have time or
           don't want to read and entire book. It's short stories and anecdotes. This
           one is especially worth the time to check out.
           

           Information:

           Incest Survivors Anonymous

           Incest Survivors Anonymous is an international
           self-help, mutual-help
           recovery program for men, women, and teens. Incest
           Survivors Anonymous
           (I.S.A.) is run for and by survivors and their
           personal prosurvivors. No
           perpetrators or satanist individuals permitted. No
           professionals as
           professionals--only as survivors. No students as
           students--only as
           survivors.
           The I.S.A. short form of the definition of incest is
           described as: Touching
           and non-touching, verbal and non-verbal, overt and
           covert. The perpetrator
           may be known to the victim or a stranger.
           For I.S.A. meetings, information, and literature,
           write to I.S.A. at the
           address below. Please state if you are a survivor, or
           other status, so that
           we may serve you better. "Don't Quit Before Your
           Miracles."

           I.S.A.
           P.O. Box 17245
           Long Beach, CA 90807-7245
           (Please include a self-addressed stamped envelope)


           I am a Counsellor Advocate at the South East Centre
           Against Sexual
           Assault, which covers half of the population of our
           state capital,
           Melbourne.

           Our clients have the option of female or male
           counsellor advocates for
           their individual work following disclosure of recent
           or past sexual
           abuse.  As a result, my clients are 70% male and 30%
           female.

           We also provide specialised services for gay and
           lesbian
           victim/survivors of sexual assault/abuse; 24 hour
           crisis unit support
           within the state's hospital system; a unit
           specialising in children
           (Child Protection Unit); and a 24 hour telephone
           crisis counselling
           service which links into our individual and group
           counselling service.

           Greg Adkins
           Counsellor Advocate
           South East Centre Against Sexual Assault (SECASA)
           Southern Health Care Network
           Monash Medical Centre (Moorabbin Campus)
           Centre Road
           EAST BENTLEIGH   VIC  3166
           AUSTRALIA

           tel:   61 3 9928 8741
           fax:  61 3 9928 8749
           

            Submissions Request

            As always, this newsletter is written by and for survivors and families.
            It is dependent upon submissions from you to make it a success.
            Submissions may be mailed to  HealingNews@journalist.com

            Thank you to everyone who send submissions! 
              
            


            Disclaimer
                             
           The contents of this newletter are intended for the purposes of
            basic information and entertainment
             only. The information contained here is not meant to be a substitution
            for professional help or assistance of any
             kind. The editor of this newsletter claims no responsibility for the use
            or misuse, liability, or anything that may arise from the subscription to
            this newsletter.