Hope for Healing.Org

     Putting the romance back into a relationship after being raped or abused is tough. There are no easy answers. You have to begin dating all over again. This list may, at first glance, seem "trite" but at second glance, you will probably remember doing some of these things when you and the one you love were dating. 

     Why do we ever let ourselves get out of the good habits? Do we become too old for "silliness"? Are we too sophisticated to take a moment here and there and be a kid again? Take the time. You will be surprised at the results.

     It won't solve all your problems but it will begin to open the lines of communication in a fun way.  We are never too old or too sophisticated to build a better relationship with someone we love. 

1. Say, "I love you" by word, card, or special deed.

2. Take time out for a daily devotion together.

3. Give your other half some quiet time to just be. 

4. Remove any outside intrusions that keep you from concentrating on each other by unplugging the phone or arranging for a sitter.

5. Call a radio station and dedicate a song. Then, immediately call your significant other asking them to turn on the radio.

6. Send a postcard when you're out of town.

7. Pray for each other and your relationship.

8. Buy flowers (or even just one.)

9. Call for no reason at all.

10. Write a poem to share.

11. Make a donation to a favorite charity in the other's name. (Just be careful who's credit card you use or it will backfire! :-)

12. Hold your partner's hand, just because it's there.

13. Before you separate for the day say the words "I care".

14. Don't forget to give a good bye kiss!

15. Give the other person a letter filled with reasons why you two are in love.

16. If a lunch needs to be packed for your partner offer to do it and do something unexpected when you do. (ex. cut a sandwich in a zig-zag).

17. No matter who packs the lunch, put a note in with it. It can be as simple as writing "thinking about you" on the napkin.

18. Leave a note on the pillow.

19. Send flowers to your partner's job.

20. Give a small gift or present for no reason at all.

21. If your partner's job doesn't allow flowers or balloons to be delivered try putting a flower on the car so it will be found.

22. Can't leave a flower? Try a fun note?

23. Get a sitter for the children as a suprise and have some quiet time together.

24. Go see a romantic or funny movie together.

25. Spend "couple time" at a nice restaurant.

26. If the budget won't allow dinner out try just getting dessert or an appetizer from a favorite restaurant. Make sure the restaurant has ambiance.

27. Go walking in the park.

28. Try a game of "tag".

29. Without the kids at home (or after they've gone to bed):
Take the phone off the hook dim the lights and watch a sentimental video.

30. Light scented candles throughout the house.

31. Instead of the video, try soft music.

32. Sit quietly holding each other.

33. Give each other a back massage using softly scented lotions or oils.

34. Back massage won't work? Try a foot massage.

35. Remove the "expectation" of sex and try to focus on making each other happy during your time alone until each of you feel very comfortable.

36. Start "dating" each other again.

37. Fix dinner on a night that your partner has had a bad day.

38. Can't cook dinner? Can't cook dinner? Order out and decorate the table with candles or sit on the floor in the living room and use the coffee table. It creates an ambiance that says "I love you".

39. Does your significant other soaking in a warm bath? Why not fix one and lay out towels as a surprise?

40. Put the towel of your significant other in the dryer for a minute before the bath is finished. Then, take it into the bathroom as a surprise.

41. Spend a minute each night telling your partner what's going right in the relationship.

42. Don't be afraid to take things slow as you rediscover each other.

43. "Haste makes Waste" and clogs relationships.

44. If your partner asks a question and the true answer isn't 
              something you'd tell your best friend go ahead and fudge.

45. Hold the umbrella over your partner on a rainy day.

46. Don't be afraid to say "I love you".

47. Pull the chair out at dinner.

48. Take a walk holding hands.

49. Lie on the ground and count the stars together.

50. Lie on the ground and watch the clouds float by.

51. Try flying a kite together.

52. Make a Valentine for an "UnValentine's Day" to say you care.

53. Surprise your significant other with tickets to a play, opera or symphony concert.

54. Don't forget a birthday, anniversary, or other important occasion.

55. Give an "I Love You" card.

56. The quickest way to a partner's heart is often jewelry or candy. If you can't      afford one, try the other.

57. Tell your partner how special the person is to you.

58. Remind yourself why you got the relationship started in the first place and don't lose sight of it.

59. Make time to take a slow walk outside. Don't talk about work, the kids, or anything but the 2 of you.

60. Take a class together on something you both like to do. Enjoy your time together.

61. Sit outside together and watch the traffic go by.

62. Rent a romantic movie or go see one.

63. If you're both running late to get somewhere and you only have time for one of you to get really fancied up, let your significant other have the time.

64. Don't forget to communicate with each other. Set aside time to talk about what's going on in each other's lives. 

65. Send your loved one a romantic e-card.

     This page is not meant to be a substitute for any kind of professional help. It is merely put together by a survivor who has found much of this information helpful to her healing and offered as a possible help to others. If you feel you need a professional to speak with please contact your local rape crisis center or health care professional. I claim no responsibility for the use of this page, use of content, or content of any links leading from this page. This page is offered for support of other survivors, informational, and education only.

Redesigned  8/10/02